old lady

Yesterday after work, i took Amani to the playground where a charming 6 year old girl named Puteri befriended us. She played very sweetly with Amani and chatted with me about her new baby brother.

Then she asked "How old is she?" pointing to Amani. "Two," I said, "how old are you?" "Six," she answered proudly, "and the baby is 7 months old". "What a big girl you are!" I said, sensing that that was the reply she wanted to hear. She grinned and twirled around a bit and then asked me the killer question, "How old are you?"

"Thirty three," I told her.

Her eyes and mouth widened like she could not imagine the enormity of such a number. And in an innocent voice full of awe and no malice, she whispered loudly like she was breaking some grave news to me, telling me something I may not be aware of - "You're OLD."

Yes, dear, I am. And somehow, I don't feel bad about it this year. In less than 2 weeks time I'll be turning 33. A lot of good things are happening now that I'm rising higher up in the 30s. I no longer care what people say or think about me. I feel no shame whatsoever when I sing badly at karaoke,. I no longer fear telling someone I have no idea what they're talking about at the risk of appearing to be an idiot. I realise what's really important in life - finding peace and contentment. Syukur Alhamdulillah, I am at peace. I love and am loved by my family. I have good friends. I may not be a millionaire but I can eat well. I have a comfortable home and bed. I had a good holiday recently in Pangkor where I swam in the beautiful blue sea with fishes and watched my daughter play with the waves for the first time. I feel really grateful and really blessed.

For my 33rd birthday, I plan to fly a kite - I've never properly flown one before. Maybe have a picnic. Later, blow up the kiddie pool and splash around with Amani in the front yard. A slice of Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. A box of assorted chocolates. A nice steak dinner with creamy buttery mashed potatoes. Bliss.