Hoarder Hoarder

Had to do a little bit of moving over the weekend. Landlord decided that he wanted to do a major renovation in the house I was renting, so we had to vacate the house to a temporary one while the works are going on.


God it was tiring! I didn't realize I had so much crap kept in the house! Apart from boxes and boxes and boxes of books, the other biggest group of stuff I had was crap! And I blame it on my hoarder personality. I just can't bring myself to throw anything away. Over the course of almost 14 years of marriage, I must have moved 4 times. And back and forth, I lug my crap from one house to another just because I just can't throw anything away. (Oh wait! I might need that 20 year old restaurant receipt for effing knows what!)


Sheeeshhh.. Now I am having a crappy Monday coz I am tired of hauling all those boxes and bags. I don't know where my stuff are coz we havent unpacked. I had to bunk at my parents' place coz I cant even see the floor of the new place. And I have a whole lot of things that need to be done today, which should have been done last week. Procrastinator hoarder.


So this crabby makcik is set to face another crabby week! Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!


Ecah, take me awaayyy!!! Lets become Ellen and Portia, then we can run away together! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

"Young at heart, slightly older in other places"

The above is a direct quote from the birthday card I got from my parents and boy, is it true. Caught myself in the mirror as I was dressing up this morning (usually in too much of a rush most mornings that I only have time to check that my face doesn't look too insane in the car rearview mirror before I drive out) and thought "Man, there's lots of things sagging now that didn't use to sag as much"...gravity has not been kind and this is a direct payback of enjoying lots of food and pretending exercise does not exist as a concept. 

But other than the physical side, this particular birthday, I do feel a sort of change inside me. I don't know if it's because I have been thinking quite a bit about death especially towards the end of last year, morbid thoughts that passed through my mind suddenly like how I'd like to be buried at the Kiara Burial Site I drive past every morning on the way to my son's nursery as there's lots of shady trees there and it looks so...dare I say it, welcoming in a way - it used to be full capacity but they've recently expanded it, even writing that now gives me the chills. And this leads me to worry about my children if I pass away. I know, God willing they'll be alright in terms of being taken care of, am sure my husband and parents will sort those practical things out. But what I also think about are not just their physical well being and education, but about who will think of doing silly things with them, sing silly made up songs in the car with them, take them out on adventures, get them to try new things like rock climbing or karaoke, throw them silly birthday parties, buy endless balloons for them that inevitably get left behind somewhere. Because at the moment, I'm the only one doing all that.

What I'm realising now as I turn 37 is that life is short. The best things in life are free (or doesn't have to cost much) - playing tag with my kids at the lobby of our apartment (which doesn't have a playground or proper playing area for the kids other than the pool), blowing bubbles together, eating ice cream outdoors where it doesn't matter if it drips, dancing badly in the living room, singing (again, badly) Adele or ABBA songs at the top of our voices in the car drive home, flying kites at the "wind-catching" area in Kepong, going through books at TTDI library - the same library (though now expanded and refurbished) I used to go to as a child growing up in TTDI, sitting with my feet in the stream at Kiara Park while I watch my kids play in the water, standing at our balcony and staring up at the night sky and the lights of Genting in the distant hills... having my kids have been the greatest blessing and gift in my life, they have made me stop and look at the simple beautiful things I take for granted - flower blossoms that have fallen on the ground, weirdly shaped clouds. the moon, the stars. Granted, they do drive me crazy most of the time too.

Anyway, this is one bit of me that will never change (do we really ever change anyway?) which is blabbering on and on...especially if it's in the middle of the night and I'm the only one awake at here...

My birthday wish list this year is much simpler than previous years. Today, I just want to skip work, watch a movie and eat ice cream cake. For the first time in my life, I can honestly truly say that I really don't need any birthday presents. Wow...finally, maturity (ye ke? Is this really a sign of maturity?) at 37 years of age....way overdue, I know.

senang senang dulu susah susah kemudian

so here i am with an assignment due that's still not done and it's 2.33 am and i should sleep soon as i have a meeting tomorrow morning...ah, joy...what was i doing earlier at say 8pm or 9 pm or even 10pm? Had i started working on the assignment then? Had i even switched on my computer or at least taken the file out of my bag? nooooooo, that would have been way too responsible of me. Instead, i got hooked on a new novel i just bought at Times called zombijaya, which is like a malay pulp fiction of a zombie apocalyse. Very addictive reading though way too much mencarut. Somehow cursing in malay sounds much worse than in english.

anyway, this assignment is damn boring so here i am in lalaland again. hey there eza. why do we do this to ourselves? are we that starved of an adrenaline rush? do we get high on self-induced stress?

since am still not in the mood to finish boring legal work, let me blabber about my weekend. My old university housemate's apartment block in cheras had a fire on friday, it was the unit not directly below my friend's unit but even after the fire had been put out by the ever so relaxed (walaumacamanapun kita minum dulu) firemen, the stench of the smoke was still overbearing so she and her 2 girls crashed over at our  apartment over the weekend and together with my 2 kids we had an impromptu slumber party. Since i am a lazy hostess and since she knows it having lived with me before, she - the fire smoke victim, brought her own flour, prawns etc and cooked breakfast for us (cucur udang, yum). The kids and us then swam at the pool until it rained then we ordered pizza and ate while watching something on astro which i can't remember now...i love relaxing-lots-of-eating-minimal-effort weekends like these! No weddings to go to, no shopping to be done, no need for malls.

sigh...ok then, back to reality, need to finish up work, wash kids' bottles and get their bags ready for school/nursery tomorrow (kenapa lah tak buat dari tadi....padan muka diri sendiri)...bye bye lalaland...lalalalalalala

mummy & me hammam experience (aka "how i got my buttcrack scrubbed while my kid played nearby")

For my birthday last year, an old friend gave me a "mummy & me" hammam and gommage spa gift certificate at Bangsar Village II's Hammam (3rd floor). Under the package, Hammam offers to amuse your child while you get your pampered treatment in the same room. I hadn't had a chance to use the certificate yet and decided to go last Weds as it was expiring that Saturday itself. Since it was a Mummy & me treatment, the only available spot was at 530pm or 715 pm so that your child isn't a bother to the other guests, I'm guessing. So off my youngest child (aged 1 year & 3 months) and I went, sneaking behind my older daughter's back as she was already above the age limit (5 years old). Ok then, straight to the treatment itself (you don't need to know how hillariously embarrassing it was trying to change into a tiny allegedly free size disposable tube top and panties while trying to stop your toddler from playing with the metal bin which holds other discarded disposable garments...eeewww, maybe the reason for the separately timed sessions is not so much the kiddies' crying disturbing the tranquility of the hammam but more the hyper mummy constantly whispering "No! No! Don't touch that!" every other minute.

So anyway, back to the hammam & gommage bit. There were 2 women assigned to us, one for me and the other for my cchild. Now we're getting to the good stuff, a hammam & gommage treatment involves being bathed and scrubbed in a heated bathing room. So my son and I sat opposite each other as we BOTH got bathed at the same time by our respective attendants. That was surreal man, I was being bathed like a child in front of my own child. Weird and strangely comforting at the same time, it's a long time since I have felt taken care of or spoilt like that, to have someone pour pails of lovely warm water over you, knead yummy smelling soaps over your body, totally unnecessary as of course you can do it yourself but utterly heavenly. The key to enjoying this experience is of course no eye contact with your...bather? As she hoists your disposable undergarments this way and that to gain..ehem..access, you have to keep chanting to yourself "she's seen all this a million times, she has seen all this a million times".

So bathing done, lovely, kid still happily splashing with the water, no tantrums. Now comes the scrub. I'm asked to lie down on my stomach, which is very nice and relaxing and she starts scrubbing the dead cells off my arms using bath mitts, so far so good, next scrubbing my legs, hmmm relaxing. I smile at my baby sitting across from me who is now being lathered with chocolate shower gel, his chubby little belly glistening with bubbles, aw bless, how adora-- "what the hell???" Bather girl sneaked in her scrub mitt down my redundant disposable panties and just scrubbed where the sun don't shine!!!! Oh my God....this is soooo not what i signed up for and other than extreme mortification on my part, I sneak a look at her as she is sweating with the effort of scrubbing my enormous body and think "Man that is a thankless job, imagine how many buttcracks she has had to scrub today." (I now only just realised that I don't know how many butts those bath mitts have given a seeing to...dear God)

Later, my baby and I are wrapped in fluffy white towels and robes and placed on a chaise lounge and given sweet hot tea and baklava to eat. I use my baby shamelessly to get more pieces of baklava (Having kids has its perks). 

Much later that evening as I return to reality, I feel at least for the moment much more serene and at peace with the world as I wash the milk bottles and pack the children's bags for school/nursery the next day.

The Designated Office Jaga

It's two days after Christmas. And I am the designated office Jaga. Everyone is away on their annual holiday. Since I have taken 3 weeks of Raya holiday preparing for Adam's UPSR, I now have to let everyone else enjoy Boxing Day sales around the world while I stay in this lonely office, accompanied by my Milo Nestum.

Feeling a little guilty coz did not bring the kids anywhere during this holiday. Sigh.. Always the guilt trip with the kids.

On the bright side, managed to complete the new school year shopping yesterday. Since we completed the shopping early, we had time to sneak in a karaoke session. This time around there were no rock kapak songs, coz the kids now have their own choices. So it was 3 hours of Bieber, Bruno Mars, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Marz and dunno who else.. Managed to sneak in a couple of Abba tracks towards the end though.. :)

2 minutes of fame

Full day yesterday. I was to do a reading at the promotion of the book "Readings" at Borders, Curve but because my story in the book was 18SX, I had to write another PG-13 story for the reading for "Readings". Just to add to the excitement in my life, I had still not finished the story by the time Saturday came along and Saturday morning was my daughter's sports day. So that morning itself in between getting her ready, I was trying to steal time here and there to scribble down the so-called ending of the story or at least some sort of ending that would work for the reading. Then it was a rush to the door and to somewhere in Damansara area for the sports day - made it just in time for the kids' welcome march/dance thingy with ribbons. Fuihh! Grabbed a seat near the lanes and proceeded to ignore all the other kids' races until my kid was up. Cheered her on as she did the classic balancing ping pong ball on spoon race. Became kiasu parent with camera as she received a medal. Stayed on to watch her best friend race and afterwards more pictures of the girls with their medals in front of the Vico van dispensing cold chocolate drinks (Milo van tak datang pulak tahun ni). Then raced back home where I had about an hour to type out the story before having to leave for Curve.

Got to Borders before 3pm - very unusual for me to be early. Omigod, the set up seemed a bit formal at Starbucks and there were people there already, just waiting to be bored by me -yikess.......freaking out, freaking out. Saw Sharon Bakar but no other writers... aaarrghhhh... must I be the first to read? Sharon saved me, agreeing to do the first reading. My daughter came with me as my one man support team.

"Why are you scared?" she asked.
"Because I'm freaking out that people won't like my story!!" Head in hands, feeling nauseous. Can't bail out now, not least because Sharon will kill me but also can't very well lecture my kid on not being scared to try if I fail to set an example myself. Bloody hell. What have I got myself into?

Sharon read first. Oh my God, forgot how good she is at entertaining people and her story is brilliant. I'm up next. Try to smile. She introduces me. Legs prop me up. My kid pats my arm. I reach for the microphone. Here goes!! Focus on my daughter's face as I start.

Aaaah, sigh of relief. It's over, people clap, am so glad I did it. And am so glad I did it before the other more entertaining authors read! Now can sit back and enjoy the other writer's readings. Some of them are so young! Good for them. I had no clue when I was their age. Someone came to me for my autograph?? what?? why would anyone want that? Bask in my minute of fame. It literally lasted a minute. Back to reality - now kena pergi tesco kat sebelah beli susu anak and ayam...

An eventful day for me.

road trip, interrupted

last weds, the family headed down south for a 4 day road trip. It was the first time we had gone for a holiday this long since our now 7 month old baby came into our lives and i felt so proud of my very efficient packing (i need to get out more).

suddenly, somewhere in negeri sembilan, the husband started getting painful spasms on his side. i kept telling him to pull over so i could take over the driving but stubborn man that he is, he kept on driving in between yelling out in pain. In Ayeh Keroh, Melaka we drove to Pantai Hospital's emergency unit. For the next 5 hours, they shot him twice with painkillers while they did tests and then finally the CT scan results came out, showing there was a stone between his kidney and bladder, too big to go through his system naturally. He needed to be admitted so I drove like the wind back to KL to his usual hospital, making it there just before his last shot of painkillers wore off. The operation was scheduled early the next morning so that night all 4 of us camped out in his room. The kids were very happy and cheerful, a different sort of adventure from the one originally planned but an adventure all the same. And the important thing was that we were all spending time together, way more time, without any distraction whatsoever. Thank God, his procedure went well and we went home that evening. I unpacked our luggage, sigh, all that efficient packing....next time, then.