like a virgin

615 days and counting....

sometimes i get so desperate and diy no longer really works as good as before, that my subconscious has to come and save me and send me a man in my dreams...woke up smiling...am still thinking about that imaginary guy...his face was blurry but he was wearing a long sleeved black shirt and seemed to be in his 20s....hmmm

lulu, want to meet up for brunch this sunday with len?

Just do it

The decision to quit working is quite a scary one for me, the greatest fear being of course that we'll end up homeless and starving and my daughter hates me for not buying her the latest Barbie that all her other friends have. But in a way it's the first real adult decision I've made (yes, I know, I'm going to be 32 soon, being an adult is looooong overdue) because it's a decision which departs from the path i was supposed to take: early 20s: get a good degree, mid-20s: get a job, get married, get children, late 20-s: get promoted, get more pay, 30s-55: continue up the career ladder, etc, 56: begin real life. In a way, this is the first time I'm really taking charge of my own life instead of following an assumed pattern. It feels liberating. It may not feel so liberating when I run out of money but right now it's pretty freeing. I feel like i'm able to properly breathe again.

I've been wanting to quit for a long time but never had the guts to really do it. The turning point was of course when my daughter arrived but even then, it would be another 10 months before I finally mustered up the courage to really say, this is it. And now that I've actually crossed the line, I've realised that it's not as scary as I thought. Of course, it helps that I have some savings to pull me through for awhile, but it's not the end of the world that I've decided to kill this so-called career. I should have done it sooner.

I'm going to try this part-time job offer thing if it really materialises but I give it a few months only, I really don't see how it could work in practice what with meetings often being scheduled in the evenings etc. But since I've quit and let people know I'm going, there's been offers to do freelance work, things I can do from home, writing opportunities.

So again, I ask myself, why did I wait so long to do this? What was I so scared for? I guess what I'm trying to say in rambling on and on is that sometimes we just have to let go. And discover that falling down is not as bad as it seems.