Adopting in Malaysia

I've been meaning to write this post for awhile but taking care of 2 kids full time while also juggling working is kicking my ass. On the plus (or rather minus) side I've lost 3 kilos! Hooray! It might not seem much to other people but it takes me forever to lose just even 1kg.

Anyway anyway anyway, on 2 November 2010, our beloved new baby boy was born. That afternoon, we were told we could go see him at the hospital. I went straight from work and met my spouse there and together we walked to the ward. I went to the bedside of his mother to see how she was and then later the nurse took me & hubby to the room where our baby was placed momentarily. There he was in his bassinet, this perfect round little baby, fast asleep, unaware of everything that had happened and was going to happen. And I felt love and I also felt so very very sad. It was the first day of his life and already he was not going to be with the mother that carried him all these months. I picked him up and held him, so surreal, our son. Then my husband held him. I don't think we even spoke to each other, we were just too awed that this unexpected miracle was in our arms. We had to leave him in the hospital and come back the next day.

Next day, the officer from the Welfare Department (which had an office attached to the hospital) came to meet us at the ward to meet with our son's mother to ask her again if she was sure about her decision to give him up for adoption. The officer took her identity card and passed it to my husband to go and register his birth at the nearest Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara (JPN) office. JPN would also supply the forms and statutory declaration for the adoption. While he went to sort that out, I sat for a bit with our son's mother. I didn't really know what to say. What do you say to someone who is giving you this amazing wonderful gift at the expense of their pain? I asked her many times if she was sure and she said yes. After that we talked about what she was going to do after leaving the hospital and of course, I kept thanking her. Then the nurse told me I had to collect a prescription for her to stop her milk from coming in which was only available at the main hospital building pharmacy so off I went to queue up.

By the time I was done, hubby was back with the birth certificate and the statutory declaration for our son's mother to sign, confirming she was giving him up to us. I called a commissioner for oaths recommended by a friend who had agreed to come to the ward itself. And so she signed it before the commissioner and the nurse said we could bring our son home. I went to see him in his bassinet by the nurses' station. All the other mothers had their babies' bassinets & family members next to their bed but our son's poor mother was all alone. Her family would pick her up later after she was discharged from the hospital. I felt very sad for her. It was a hard lonely lesson to learn at a young age and the thing is, it could have so easily happened to anyone of us. It is so easy to love and to trust and to slip but it is not easy to have the live with it and the decisions made, for the rest of your life. I asked her if I could take a photo of her for the baby later if he asks and she said there was no need. I then asked her if she wanted to give a letter to him or something and she said no. I changed him out of the hospital clothes and as I changed his diaper, I startled a bit because suddenly she was standing next to me watching me change his diaper - and I have never changed a baby boy's diaper before so I was feeling doubly nervous. I asked her if she wanted to hold him and she said no, she didn't want to cry and we both teared up anyway. I picked him up and I told her to kiss him. She kissed him gently on his head and then we both hugged and I said thank you, thank you so very much and I promised I would take care of him and she thanked me for taking him. And then I turned and left the ward with our baby where hubby was waiting for me outside.

The next day, my mum took care of the baby while we went to the hospital again to discharge his mother and pay her hospital bills and take the placenta to bury it later at home. I went up to the maternity ward and she was all packed up, just 2 little bags, sitting on her bed, again all alone. The welfare officer was there to go through the procedures again with me and her. Later, we went down together to the payment counter. While we waited at the counter, I talked with her about her plans to work and study part time and where she had worked before and all that. When the discharge papers were sorted, we drove her to the designated place where her parents would pick her up. As per the usual custom, on top of settling the mother's medical bills, you are also supposed to give some saguhati to help out with her health and wellbeing. We hugged again for the last time and I thanked her again. And then we said goodbye.

As we drove away, my husband and I were quiet.

In the afternoon we went to the Welfare Department in KL to notify them of the adoption - the Welfare Department had their own set of forms to be filled in. Bureaucracy-wise, the adoption process is a bit confusing as some of the procedures seem to overlap and not all of it is easily found in written form. In brief, the chronology of events were:

-we met the pregnant woman, who had earlier already been interviewed by the Welfare Dept officer
-we ourselves were then interviewed by the Welfare officer regarding our backgrounds, our family, income, occupation
-on the day of the birth, the welfare officer would meet with the birth mother again to confirm her decision
-the birth is then registered at JPN and the birth mother signs a statutory declaration before a commissioner for oaths confirming she is giving her baby to the care of the adoptive parents. Here, the first confusion occurred. During our first interview with the welfare officer, she distinctly said we had to notify the welfare department nearest to our residence of the adoption but JPN informed that was not necessa unless the baby was a non-Malaysian citizen. I then asked the welfare officer again who insisted JPN was wrong.
-So off we went to the Welfare Department HQ in Jalan Raja Laut. Turns out they were just the HQ and not operations.
So we had to go to the Welfare Department in Jalan Pahang. And there we were kept waiting a long time. Finally, one officer came with forms and yet another declaration for the birth mother to sign. And we said we already got her to sign the JPN declaration, don't tell me we've got to go and get her to sign yet another one which says the same thing except that it was on the welfare deparment's form and the officer kept saying it was their procedure, it was their procedure again and again so in the end we just took their forms home and the next day I sent it by despatch with a copy of JPN's declaration instead.
-So now, we care for our baby for 2 years before submitting the application to JPN for the adoption certificate.

Baby about to wake up now. Post more soon.